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Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. -- Unknown
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A Programmer's Short Guide to Newborns
By John Fitzgibbon, July 15, 2006
 There's no manual. You wouldn't read it anyway.
Nothing can prepare you for the sleep deprivation. Regularly pulling all-nighters to meet deadlines doesn't compare. Trust me.
"Breast or Bottle?" is a bit like "Linux or Windows?":- Lots of people on both sides, all with very strong opinions. At the end of the day, both sides get the job done, all without bringing about the End Of Life As We Know It.
99.99% of system malfunctions are covered by: A) Wet/Poopy, B) Hungry, C) Tired or D) Pain, (roughly in ascending order of "difficulty to deal with").
Don't eliminate A) or B) just because of recent Change/Feed. These are easy, try them first.
C) is not always as obvious as you might think. "Frantic Activity" + "Bawling" sometimes == "Tired". Go figure. Fixing this problem usually involves some baby-specific procedure that can only be arrived at through trial and error: something like standing on one leg with baby balanced between the other knee and your elbow while humming Rachmaninoff and using a hair dryer to blow warm air on baby's butt, all the while flushing the toilet and running the faucets. This is where you really wish you had that manual.
D) is not usually that common, but don't rule it out if you've tried all the rest. You'll probably find that your Pediatrician deals with dumb questions from newbie users better than you would. They won't flame you, shame you or dismiss you with a curt "RTFM", (there is no FM).
Remember that baby doesn't know (yet) that you're a geek. Revel in the captive audience as you explain why [Insert Name of Lame Programming Language Here] is totally bogus when compared with [Insert Name of Less Lame Programming Language Here].
Two week olds are not Bored. Three months, maybe; two weeks, never -- not even if you're explaining Perl's regular expression syntax.
Expect poor performance and usability issues, because, as with most complex systems, babies start off "buggy". Despite this, almost everybody will lie about how good/calm/sweet their baby is/was. The few who don't will become your new best friends.
Parenting websites suck. Pink stuff, cursive fonts, too many words. Don't bother.
Did I mention sleep deprivation?
Despite it all, I'm loving every minute of it...
Fitz.
2010-03-11 21:00hr:
Verizon to Have 4G Handsets in Mid-2011 @internetnews
2010-03-11 20:00hr:
Allaple malware author jailed for online attacks @vnunet
Report points to iPhone multitasking @vnunet
Earthquakes and automobiles dominate spam picture @vnunet
Apple updates Safari browser code @vnunet
Pink Floyd, Flaming Lips Defend Dark Side’s Honor @wired
2010-03-11 19:00hr:
Health Check: Mandriva @linuxtoday
2010-03-11 18:00hr:
Smartphones Will Shake up Paid Content Debate @internetnews
How to Install Debian Linux on an Embedded System @linuxtoday
Business @internetnews
Tech Stocks Rally Ten Years After Topping Out @internetnews
SpringSource Adds VMware to Tomcat @internetnews
Intel, AMD Seen Headed for Lift in Q1 Earnings @internetnews
Is Windows 7 Service Pack Coming in Q4? @internetnews
Twitter Surpasses 70,000 Apps @internetnews
NASA's New Jumbo Jet Keeps Giant Eye on Heavens @wired
Plug and Play: USB Albums We'd Like to See @wired
March 12, 1790: Batteries Now Included @wired
Alt Text: Resurrected Movie Gimmicks of the Future @wired
Resurrected Movie Gimmicks of the Future @wired
alt text @wired
The '70s Photos That Made Us Want to Save Earth @wired
The ’70s Photos That Made Us Want to Save Earth @wired
photo gallery @wired
2010-03-11 17:00hr:
Zeus botnets suffer mighty blow after ISP taken offline @thereg
Jesus Phone to exhibit holy gift of bilocation @thereg
Google, Facebook cop for preposterous patent potshot @thereg
CPU hogAdobe v HTML5 @thereg
Pink Floyd Beats EMI in Creativity Flap @wired
crime @wired
intellectual property @wired
med tech @wired
2010-03-11 16:00hr:
First Fedora 13 Linux Alpha Shows Promise @linuxtoday
How to Create Space Scenes Quickly and Easily in Gimp @linuxtoday
Read More... @internetnews
Researcher Releases Exploit for IE Zero-Day Hole @internetnews
techbiz @wired
Photo: Silent Hill Composer Rocks Out at GDC @wired
February NPD: BioShock 2, Xbox 360 Top the Charts @wired
TJX Hacking Conspirator Gets 4 Years @wired
Pass the Camera: Many Directors Shoot One Star-Studded Comedy @wired
2010-03-11 15:00hr:
Survey of MySQL Storage Engines @linuxtoday
IBM Tops In Customer Privacy: Poll @internetnews
SCALE 8x: Color management for everyone @linuxtoday
Up, Up, and Away @wired
JooJoo Tablet Gets a Makeover Before Launch @wired
politics @wired
Another Mistrial For Hate Blogger @wired
TJX Conspirator Gets 4 Years @wired
Feds: TSA Worker Tried to Sabotage Terror Database @wired
science @wired
You Are a Tamagotchi: Turning Your Health Into a Game @wired
2010-03-11 14:00hr:
LifeLock fined $12 million over lack of life-locking ability @linuxtoday
Virtual Linux @linuxtoday
On Your Mark... @wired
FCC Wants You to Test Your Broadband Speeds @wired
Stantum Slate PC Proves Making Tablets Isn't Easy @wired
Hate Blogger Wins Second Mistrial @wired
2010-03-11 13:00hr:
Why Ad Blocking is devastating to the sites you love @linuxtoday
Digg Dumps MySQL for Cassandra @internetnews
Time For Ubuntu to Fork Evolution @linuxtoday
FCC Mulling Free Broadband ... @internetnews
HSBC Breach Exposes 24,000 ... @internetnews
IDC Says the Cloud Ready for ... @internetnews
Audi Sees Solid Future for EVs @wired
best routes @wired
Super Stealth Plane Breaks Through Cost Barrier @wired
White House: Ask What Game Developers Can Do For Your Country @wired
GDC: Metroid Creator Inspired by Italian Horror Films @wired
Sony's Motion Controller Underwhelms With Janky Games @wired
game developers conference @wired
planet earth @wired
Quantum Computing Thrives on Chaos @wired
2010-03-11 12:00hr:
Motorola to put Bing on Android phones in China @linuxtoday
Selecting an Open Source Operating System @linuxtoday
Khronos Group publishes OpenGL 4.0 specs @vnunet
Kaspersky calls for international internet government @vnunet
Facebook threatens to sue over Daily Mail article @vnunet
Tories promise to 'turbo charge' UK broadband @vnunet
Tory Party launches Technology Manifesto @vnunet
Government panders to music industry in copyright debate @vnunet
high-tech high @wired
Help Us Review Google Maps for Bikes @wired
Motorola's Backflip Will Make You Come Unhinged @wired
Pink Floyd Beats EMI In Creativity Flap @wired
discoveries @wired
2010-03-11 11:00hr:
The Ubuntu One music store and free software for profit @linuxtoday
FCC Mulling Free Broadband Plan, Again @internetnews
Read More... @internetnews
HSBC Breach Exposes 24,000 Clients' Data @internetnews
Bogus Technologies: The Leader in Enterprise Systems, Storage & Networking @linuxtoday
Shoddy construction beats precision in quantum world @newscientist
'Terminator' asteroids could re-form after nuke @newscientist
high tech high @wired
Help Us Review Google Maps For Bikes @wired
Al Franken Jokes, But Google Fiber Is No Laughing Matter @wired
Dell (With a Little Help From Amazon and Google) Takes on iTunes @wired
The FCC Wants You to Test Your Broadband Speeds @wired
Intel Previews New ‘Gulftown’ Six-Core Processor @wired
GDC: Sony’s Motion Controller Underwhelms With Janky Games @wired
Feds: TSA Worker Tried to Sabotage Terror Database @wired
health @wired
Your Chilean Sea Bass Dinner Deprives Killer Whales @wired
Ear Infections Could Cause Long-Term 'Lazy Ear' @wired
2010-03-11 10:00hr:
Why Use GRUB2? Good Question! (part 3) @linuxtoday
Commercial Gaming, Coming Soon to Linux? @linuxtoday
Your partner has herpes – now the good news @newscientist
It’s Not Easy to Make a Tablet, Stantum Slate PC Proves @wired
Arctic Reindeer Go Off the Circadian Clock @wired
2010-03-11 09:00hr:
Mobile that allows bosses to snoop on staff developed @linuxtoday
Home Sec says 17m ID cards in circulation by 2017 @thereg
Nexus One estimates drop 70% @thereg
IDC Says the Cloud Ready for Prime Time @internetnews
Open Source NoSQL Databases Ramp Up @linuxtoday
World's oldest rivers mapped under huge desert dunes @newscientist
Virgin Media tests broadband via telegraph poles @vnunet
Digital Economy Bill may escape Commons scrutiny @vnunet
Paragliding the Himalayas With iPhones @wired
cars @wired
Acorn Filmmaker's Fresh Tapes: Inside HUD @wired
Hands-On with the Crippled Stantum Slate PC @wired
techbiz @wired
law @wired
Ear Infections Could Cause Long-Term ’Lazy Ear’ @wired
2010-03-11 08:00hr:
For Sale: Linux OS and Other Assorted Assets @linuxtoday
Get started with Omnis Studio @linuxtoday
Let Troops Get Their Drink On, Senator Says @wired
Hands-On with the Terrible Stantum Slate PC @wired
Heavy Rain Forces You To Make Tough Decisions @wired
2010-03-11 07:00hr:
16 things that could be improved in Ubuntu 10.04 @linuxtoday
Jaron Lanier: open textbooks "appalling and preposterous" @linuxtoday
Robot toddler gets an upgrade @newscientist
Battle over climate science spreads to US schoolrooms @newscientist
Paragliding the Himalayas With iPhones, So You Can Go Too @wired
media @wired
Acorn Filmmaker's Fresh Tapes: Inside HUD @wired
Acorn Filmmaker’s Fresh Tapes: Inside HUD @wired
Google-ize Your Hometown @wired
Iconica: Not Just Another Pretty Face @wired
How Andrew Breitbart Hacks the Media @wired
2010-03-11 06:00hr:
Google's Slow March Toward World Domination @linuxtoday
Home Secretary swats away calls for Mosquito ban @thereg
Linux Arpeggiators, Part 1 @linuxtoday
Google in discussions with Chinese government @vnunet
CA buys systems monitoring firm Nimsoft @vnunet
Webroot warns of fake Windows update scam @vnunet
Opera launches Mini 5 for Android smartphones @vnunet
Mozilla to revise its open-source licence @vnunet
No reprieve for Microsoft in i4i patent dispute @vnunet
Motorola Puts Bing on Android Phones @wired
Family Time with the DSi XL @wired
Growing Up Corey @wired
Gort Awards Draw From Sci-Fi’s Past, Future @wired
2010-03-11 05:00hr:
IBM hopes to make mobile devices more accessible @linuxtoday
Apple Ready to Rumble with Rival Smartphone Makers @linuxtoday
Innovation: Sending botnets the way of smallpox @newscientist
Elgato EyeTV Hybrid: Smaller, Works With Windows 7 @wired
Heavy Rain, A Game That Forces You To Make Tough Decisions @wired
LEGO Brickmaster for March @wired
2010-03-11 04:00hr:
GNU/Linux: Rebuttal: Linux on the desktop: Still not happening @linuxtoday
Cisco Unveils Blazing Fast CRS-3 Router @internetnews
Tech Stocks Rally Ten Years ... @internetnews
Top Spot at W3C Goes to Former Novell Exec @internetnews
NoSQL Supporters Challenge ... @internetnews
Datacenter Growth Seen for 2010 @internetnews
AMD Planning Netbook Chip ... @internetnews
Google Snaps Up Picnik @internetnews
Hackers Check Into Wyndham Hotels' Network @internetnews
Mariposa Bot Shipped With ... @internetnews
CA Acquires Cloud Vendor ... @internetnews
Google, Microsoft & Yahoo Tout Real-Time Results @internetnews
Microsoft Gives MSN Home ... @internetnews
Mom and dad, stop stifling me – it's damaging my brain @newscientist
Acorn Filmmaker Made Tapes at U.S. Government Offices, Too @wired
Google Reader Play: iPad-Friendly News Reader @wired
2010-03-11 03:00hr:
Best Linux Distro for Web Server @linuxtoday
Y2.01K hits Garmin satnav @thereg
Now go away @thereg
UK.gov OKs plan to flog digi dividend by end of year @thereg
IBM and Stanford to research greener plastics @vnunet
AMD to fund young games developers @vnunet
European Parliament rebels over ACTA secrecy @vnunet
Intel shows off first six-core desktop processor @vnunet
Inflatable Bike-Bag for Air-Filled Air-Travel @wired
PocketWizard Tests Prototype Nikon Triggers @wired
2010-03-11 01:00hr:
Build Your Own Video Community With Lighttpd And FlowPlayer (Debian Lenny) @linuxtoday
2010-03-11 00:00hr:
Gates reduced to world's second richest man @vnunet
EU Parliament rebels over ACTA secrecy @vnunet
Intel shows off first six core desktop processor @vnunet
2010-03-10 23:00hr:
The Direction Of Intel Graphics With Fedora 13 Alpha @linuxtoday
Google boss says something will happen in China 'soon' @thereg
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