jfitz.com - GNU/Linux, ORACLE, Java, JDBC, ODBC, C, C++, UNIX, Windows technology and more

Available at jfitz.com

Free Software
- qmail-localfilter
- ttel - tiny/trivial telnet
- gamebridge / xboxbridge
- JavaScript utilities
- SpamAssassin filtering
- RAMpage memory monitor
- VNC with ssh package
- Kodak DC20/25 webcam
- DC200/210 webcam
- Windows utilities

Free Graphics
- World flags
- Playing cards

Free Advice
- Editorials
- Open-Source desktop
- Multi-file search/replace
- Internet Explorer security
- Right-click menus
- SSH/SCP for Windows
- Configuring PuTTY
- FreeBSD EtherExpress16
- Newborns!

Personal News
- Résumé
- Photos

Site Info: About this site
E-mail: fitz@jfitz.com

Blocked SPAM Count:

Last 7 days:

Last 8 weeks:

Last 6 months:

Daily Random Quote:

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. -- Henry Youngman

A Programmer's Short Guide to Newborns

By John Fitzgibbon, July 15, 2006

There's no manual. You wouldn't read it anyway.

Nothing can prepare you for the sleep deprivation. Regularly pulling all-nighters to meet deadlines doesn't compare. Trust me.

"Breast or Bottle?" is a bit like "Linux or Windows?":- Lots of people on both sides, all with very strong opinions. At the end of the day, both sides get the job done, all without bringing about the End Of Life As We Know It.

99.99% of system malfunctions are covered by: A) Wet/Poopy, B) Hungry, C) Tired or D) Pain, (roughly in ascending order of "difficulty to deal with").

Don't eliminate A) or B) just because of recent Change/Feed. These are easy, try them first.

C) is not always as obvious as you might think. "Frantic Activity" + "Bawling" sometimes == "Tired". Go figure. Fixing this problem usually involves some baby-specific procedure that can only be arrived at through trial and error: something like standing on one leg with baby balanced between the other knee and your elbow while humming Rachmaninoff and using a hair dryer to blow warm air on baby's butt, all the while flushing the toilet and running the faucets. This is where you really wish you had that manual.

D) is not usually that common, but don't rule it out if you've tried all the rest. You'll probably find that your Pediatrician deals with dumb questions from newbie users better than you would. They won't flame you, shame you or dismiss you with a curt "RTFM", (there is no FM).

Remember that baby doesn't know (yet) that you're a geek. Revel in the captive audience as you explain why [Insert Name of Lame Programming Language Here] is totally bogus when compared with [Insert Name of Less Lame Programming Language Here].

Two week olds are not Bored. Three months, maybe; two weeks, never -- not even if you're explaining Perl's regular expression syntax.

Expect poor performance and usability issues, because, as with most complex systems, babies start off "buggy". Despite this, almost everybody will lie about how good/calm/sweet their baby is/was. The few who don't will become your new best friends.

Parenting websites suck. Pink stuff, cursive fonts, too many words. Don't bother.

Did I mention sleep deprivation?

Despite it all, I'm loving every minute of it...
Fitz.

Latest Tech News

[Current Front Page Stories]

2008-10-11 11:00hr: