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Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. -- Unknown
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A Programmer's Short Guide to Newborns
By John Fitzgibbon, July 15, 2006
 There's no manual. You wouldn't read it anyway.
Nothing can prepare you for the sleep deprivation. Regularly pulling all-nighters to meet deadlines doesn't compare. Trust me.
"Breast or Bottle?" is a bit like "Linux or Windows?":- Lots of people on both sides, all with very strong opinions. At the end of the day, both sides get the job done, all without bringing about the End Of Life As We Know It.
99.99% of system malfunctions are covered by: A) Wet/Poopy, B) Hungry, C) Tired or D) Pain, (roughly in ascending order of "difficulty to deal with").
Don't eliminate A) or B) just because of recent Change/Feed. These are easy, try them first.
C) is not always as obvious as you might think. "Frantic Activity" + "Bawling" sometimes == "Tired". Go figure. Fixing this problem usually involves some baby-specific procedure that can only be arrived at through trial and error: something like standing on one leg with baby balanced between the other knee and your elbow while humming Rachmaninoff and using a hair dryer to blow warm air on baby's butt, all the while flushing the toilet and running the faucets. This is where you really wish you had that manual.
D) is not usually that common, but don't rule it out if you've tried all the rest. You'll probably find that your Pediatrician deals with dumb questions from newbie users better than you would. They won't flame you, shame you or dismiss you with a curt "RTFM", (there is no FM).
Remember that baby doesn't know (yet) that you're a geek. Revel in the captive audience as you explain why [Insert Name of Lame Programming Language Here] is totally bogus when compared with [Insert Name of Less Lame Programming Language Here].
Two week olds are not Bored. Three months, maybe; two weeks, never -- not even if you're explaining Perl's regular expression syntax.
Expect poor performance and usability issues, because, as with most complex systems, babies start off "buggy". Despite this, almost everybody will lie about how good/calm/sweet their baby is/was. The few who don't will become your new best friends.
Parenting websites suck. Pink stuff, cursive fonts, too many words. Don't bother.
Did I mention sleep deprivation?
Despite it all, I'm loving every minute of it...
Fitz.
2012-01-27 23:00hr:
Google Doodle Celebrates the World’s Largest Snowflake! @wired
2012-01-27 22:00hr:
People Behind Debian: Josselin Mouette, founder of the Debian GNOME team @linuxtoday
A Google-a-Day Puzzle for Jan. 28 @wired
2012-01-27 19:00hr:
Apple's New iBooks Won't School College Bookstores Any Time Soon @wired
5 Questions For The Creator of The Call of Cthulhu (For Beginning Readers) @wired
SEC Goes After Trading Firms That Unwittingly Helped Hacker @wired
Monty Python Members Team Up for Sci-Fi Spoof @wired
2012-01-27 18:00hr:
SEC Goes After Online Trading Firms That Unwittingly Helped Latvian Hacker @wired
Ai Weiwei: Never Sorry Documents Artist’s Social Media Dissent @wired
2012-01-27 17:00hr:
Tech Comics: "One Day They Will Yell Back" @linuxtoday
Kia's New Rio Serves Up a Commuter's Paradise @wired
Solar-Storm Auroras Make for Awesome Backyard Photos @wired
2012-01-27 16:00hr:
Pentagon Confused by Its Own 'Subs vs. Terrorists' Plan @wired
Pentagon Confused by Its Own ‘Subs vs. Terrorists’ Plan @wired
Apple’s New iBooks Won’t School College Bookstores Any Time Soon @wired
Lark Wristband Reveals What Affects Wearers' Sleep Quality @wired
Lark Wristband Reveals the Best Lifestyle Choices For a Good Night’s Sleep @wired
Microsoft Kinect Could Make Its Way to Laptops @wired
Memoir Recounts Youthful Quest for Meaning in D&D, Comics, Zeppelin @wired
Solve This Word Challenge Without Cheating, Conniving, or Bamboozling @wired
Twitter Censorship Move Sparks Backlash: Is It Justified? @wired
Auroras Fueled by Solar Storms Make Awesome Backyard Photos @wired
Solar-Storm-Fueled Auroras Make for Awesome Backyard Photography @wired
2012-01-27 15:00hr:
The Grand /usr-fication of Linux @linuxtoday
Pentagon Confused By Its Own ‘Subs vs. Terrorists’ Plan @wired
Monty Python Members Team Up for Sci-Fi Spoof Film @wired
How to Deploy Your Drogue from a DIY Space Capsule @wired
2012-01-27 14:00hr:
Red Hat Taking Gluster from Open Core to Open Source @linuxtoday
Microsoft Kinect Could Make Its Way Onto Laptops @wired
You Aren't Tough. These Guys Are Tough @wired
Latest Volcanic Activity Photographed From Space @wired
Why a Bearcat's Butt Smells Like Popcorn @wired
2012-01-27 13:00hr:
Katherine Noyes: I'm a Linux fan, and I enjoy helping to bring Linux to the forefront @linuxtoday
Blind Motocross Rider Aims for the Record Books @stag-network.wired
Report: Facebook Files for IPO Next Week @wired
Lark Wrist Band Reveals the Best Lifestyle Choices For a Good Night’s Sleep @wired
You Aren’t Tough. These Guys Are Tough @wired
Assassinated Obi-Wan Engages Clone Wars’ Dark Side @wired
Documentary Unearths Aspiring Robot-Porn Maker's Gadgets @wired
Galaxy Formation on a Benchtop @wired
2012-01-27 12:00hr:
Be lazy, be fast @linuxtoday
Airlines Developing Different Strategies For Acquiring Carbon Credits @wired
Mexico Launches New Offensive Against Cartel, Ratcheting Up Drug War @wired
Report: Facebook Files For IPO Next Week @wired
Are Used Games Doomed to Extinction? @wired
Game|Life Podcast: Are Used Games Doomed to Extinction? @wired
Documentary Meaning of Robots Unearths Droid-Porn Creator’s Gadgets @wired
Galaxy Formation On a Benchtop @wired
Why Does a Bearcat's Butt Smells Like Popcorn? @wired
2012-01-27 11:00hr:
Oracle proposal would create single committee to oversee Java specs @linuxtoday
ZitFaceBook to offer 'nuance, richness, meaningfulness' @thereg
Microsoft schtum on Dropbox snags with IE @thereg
Galaxy drives up profits for Samsung @thereg
Mobile Hardware Guru Jon Rubinstein Leaves HP @wired
Palms Down: Mobile Hardware Guru Jon Rubinstein Leaves HP @wired
New Mario Game Sidescrolls to 3DS @wired
Nintendo Details Plans For Wii U’s Online Service @wired
HBO's LuckDives Deep Into Horse Racing @wired
An Intimate Look at Egypt's Youth in Ongoing Revolution @wired
Why Popcorn Smells Like a Bearcat???s Butt @wired
2012-01-27 10:00hr:
Linux Mint 13 gets back to desktop basics @linuxtoday
Jan. 27, 1888: National Geographic Society Gets Going @stag-network.wired
US voters are less partisan than they think @newscientist
The GreyIs a Tear-Jerker for Tough Guys @wired
2012-01-27 09:00hr:
Microsoft seeking open-source expert to help put Linux on Azure @linuxtoday
Astrophile: Picture yourself on a sandboard on Titan @newscientist
Virtual trees sway in wind just like the real thing @newscientist
Armed Airline Pilots Want Authority Beyond Cockpit @wired
Stone Age Social Networks May Have Resembled Ours @wired
Vulcan’s View 7: Volcanoes Seen From Space @wired
2012-01-27 08:00hr:
Gentoo-based Toorox Releases 01.2012 GNOME Edition @linuxtoday
Repeated drought in east Africa may prompt aid rethink @newscientist
Happy Birthday, Frank Miller! @wired
An Intimate Look at Egypt’s Youth in Ongoing Revolution @wired
2012-01-27 07:00hr:
Basic Backup Script in BASH @linuxtoday
NSFWiPad Fleshlight lets fanbois express their love @thereg
Apple Italy throws up ruling on its store site @thereg
Smartphone sales fuel massive multi-billion dollar investments @thereg
Solar Ship’s Round-The-World Sail Almost Complete @wired
Google Already Knows You’re a 24-Year-Old Woman Who Loves Wombats @wired
A Wrinkle in Time 50th Anniversary Blog Tour: Tesser With Me @wired
More Evidence Supports Barefoot Running @wired
2012-01-27 06:00hr:
The Latest Ubuntu Interface: We Don't Need No Stinkin' Menus! @linuxtoday
Let's give science a bad name in schools @newscientist
Bendy Bike Rack Made From Rubber Hose and Cable @wired
Hands-On With the Everything-Proof Pelican iPad Case @wired
A Canoe Built (By a Geek Dad) for Two… @wired
Flannery Brothers’ “Dip N??? Flip” Video @wired
2012-01-27 05:00hr:
8 Best Free Android Launchers @linuxtoday
Learning without remembering: Brain lab goes to school @newscientist
Google emails Virgin Media subscribers ... about privacy @thereg
European Parliament observer resigns in protest @thereg
Planet-hunting Kepler hits EXOPLANET JACKPOT @thereg
Magnus iPad Stand Marries Minimalism With Magnets @wired
Tokina and Tamron Join Micro Four Thirds @wired
Boy Scouts Partner With Edison Nation to Host Innovation Challenge @wired
Developer Profile: Brighter Futures for Beautiful Minds – EdTech for Autism @wired
Parenthood Brings Songs of Guilt & Revenge From the Backpeddlers @wired
Survival Flick The Grey Is a Tear-Jerker for Tough Guys @wired
2012-01-27 04:00hr:
America's Most Dangerous Mall: Going Shopping at the Pentagon @wired
America’s Most Dangerous Mall: Going Shopping at the Pentagon @wired
For Gingrich, 'World War III' Is Just the Beginning @wired
For Newt, ‘World War III’ Is Just the Beginning @wired
While Apple Breaks Records, Other Smartphone Makers Limp Along @wired
Conquest Tactics: Card-Based War Gaming @wired
Jeff VanderMeer’s The Situation in Comic Book Form @wired
HBO's Luck Dives Deep Into Horse Racing @wired
Grab Your Bike and Head South for Winter @wired
Blind Motocross Rider Aims for the Record Books @wired
Jan. 27, 1888: National Geographic Society Gets Going @wired
The World's First Computer Password? It Was Useless Too @wired
The World’s First Computer Password? It Was Useless Too @wired
tortuously complex @wired
2012-01-27 03:00hr:
NSFWComing soon: Fondleslab f**king @thereg
Arsenic life does not exist after all @newscientist
Startup goes titsup: Beyond Oblivion's crash is beyond belief @thereg
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